Disclaimer: Please don’t take this post too seriously

Do YOU want to spice up your online messaging style??? Well you’ve come to the right place! Here are some tips to make people think you’re friggin out of your mind:

RAnDom CapiTALiZatIon

Useful when mocking something or just wanting to sound very over-the-top for any reason. Capitalization can also indicate where you’d normally change your tone/pitch to emphasize things.

A: Holy shit man did you see Cookiezi’s choke on Blue Zenith???
B: yea bro wHAT teh FUcK

A: sets a really cracked osu! score
B: yeAH OK buddy

ascii emotes

Facial expression is actually a pretty important tool to help deliver a certain feeling to in-person speech. You can replicate the effect online too!!! You can also use actual emotes but a lot of them kinda suckkkkk

A: Ay yo man how’d you do on the ECE 240 - Electronic Circuits 1 final?
B: ;’)
A: yo !!saMe!! I think I might be fucked XDDDDDDD

A: Hey man you wanna shut the fuck up :^)
B: a

My personal favorite is ;-; because you can add more semicolons to convey eVen mORe SAdness!!!

A: ;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Bonus points if you use slightly more uncommon custom emotes

A: :
A: 　D <– (multi-line happy face to show stretched mouth or some shit idk)
B: ;0
A: >:]
B: o.e

make use of periods

Ok so usually no one ever types full sentences with proper punctuation, but adding a full stop can give your messages some bonus effect (idk what effect but there’s an effect)

A: says something kinda sus
B: Bro.

A: fucked ur mom last night hahahaha
B: .

This one can feel kinda cold tho, so use it responsibly xDxxDXxDXDd

write like you’d speak irl

When you have time to think about what you want to write/type, it often ends up sounding a bit more formal, which can come off a bit overly-serious and KinDA Kill The VIBE. If you say “like” a lot in real life, just slap em’ in your messages whenever you’re feelin it

A: You think I’m ready for this interview?
B: yea I mean prolly
B: just don’t like
B: make derogatory comments or some shit aHA

A: bro how do I win on tinder
B: you uhhhhhhhhh
B: don’t be ugly XDDDD

A: hiwhuiewnhsdijfhaie
B: you aight man?

abuse MARKDOWN

Most messaging platforms nowadays have basic markdown support. You should uhhhhhh use markdown

A: yo
A: how was    the date
B: uhHHh Kinda sHiT ngl

the holy question mark

Slap your friends with the best punctuation mark to have ever existed.

A: yo guys how do I recover from a 100k loss?
B: ?????????

Better yet, hit em with the infamous ｆｕｌｌ－ｗｉｄｔｈ　ｑｕｅｓｔｉｏｎ　ｍａｒｋ

A: says something sus again
B: ？

In real life, people often say things in a way that sounds like they’re unsure. You can kinda replicate this effect by surrounding your words with question marks

A: Do you remember what the teacher said about mitochondria?
B: I ?think? he said something about how it’s the powerhouse of the cell

A: do you really think she’d give part marks for that tho
B: I mean ?Probably?? I’ve heard she’s pretty generous with marks

A: Yo dude, is Chicago a state, city, country, continent, or village?
B: shit uhhh, I think it’s a ??state??

other punctuation

just don’t use punctuation in the ways they were taught to be used in school

A: broo…. your match against them was brutal
B: yea I think I’m just gonna !!END!! myself rn XDDDDD

A: bro you nee.d to,
A: slo w 　‘down
B: no fuck u]

This gets really chaotic really quickly tho, and people might think you’re actually weird, which is not necessarily a bad thing

Conclusion

I wrote all this shit because I was talking with someone recently about texting styles. As shallow and judgmental as this may sound, it can sometimes feel pretty bad talking to someone who writes everything in lowercase without adding any extra colour to their messages. It might come off as if they’re being cold/don’t care, especially if you’ve never met them in person, and don’t know their speech mannerisms. If you’re trying to reject someone though, then don’t do anything in this guide I guess aHA.

OF COURSE, this doesn’t necessarily mean that people who type in 100% lowercase without emotes are boring/uninteresting people irl. The fact of the matter is, text is not the same as speech. They’re used in different situations for different purposes.

It’s really hard to capture emotion in just plain text, but I think it’s worth putting in a bit of extra effort to sound funny or ridiculous. For a lot of people, it’s funny, and that can help improve their day a bit xd (tho some people might find it pretty annoying)

I very much enjoyed making up these fake conversations between arbitrary individuals A and B. Hope they continue to do great things in their lives!!