A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to listen in on an online cybersecurity presentation delivered live by Paul Davis. He’s both a father and an experienced IT professional who now works as an educator and advocator for online safety, frequently appearing as a guest speaker at schools and on TV.

The virtual speech that I attended was directed towards parents of middle school students, offering insight on what parents should be doing for their kids in our current digital age, and what they can do themselves to enhance their own digital privacy. Since I was already at the dinner table with them, I listened alongside my parents to hear what the guy had to say.

For various “legal reasons” he never went into, the Zoom meeting wasn’t allowed to be recorded and uploaded anywhere. To be honest, I can’t really think of what those reasons might be, but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Here’s the best summary I can make:

• Parents need to play an active role in regulating their children’s online lives in order to protect them from dangerous websites and/or developing technology addictions
• It is the parents’ responsibility to firmly establish a safe space where their kids can talk to them about any problems they might be experiencing (especially online) free from judgment or embarassment
• People need to develop better password usage and management habits, suggesting they use a hand-written password notebook instead of password manager software
• Parents should disallow their kids from bringing any type of electronic devices into their rooms
• TikTok is bad

Overall, it was a fairly all-encompassing presentation that touched upon a decent number of topics. He had a surprising amount of teenager-level “street” knowledge too. For instance, this was the first time I’ve heard any adult explain the sexual connotations of certain emojis, or that Discord’s userbase is predominantly male. He also gave many hard rules and numbers such as:

“kids should never have a smart phone until the end of Grade 8”

“34 minutes of screen time allowed per day”

Quotes are paraphrased because I didn’t record the speech and I can’t remember everything. That said, I agreed with a few of his points, and disagreed with some others as well. In my personal opinion, his suggestions tended to be a bit too authoritarian, but it was understandable given that he’s a father of two, and he’s also aware of the potential evils of the ScARY InTerWEbZ!!!!

However, some of the things he said were so utterly unhinged from a parenting perspective that I felt compelled to write up a whole blog post about it. Because he speaks to so many different people, he’s bound to influence some less technologically-inclined parents who wouldn’t know any better. This is a problem because I believe that some of his suggestions can be very damaging to parent-child relationships, and that’s not okay especially when—as far as I can tell—there’s no one else challenging his words.

When Paul Davis mentioned kids and teenagers, I still felt like part of myself was included in that group. As I figure out what being an “adult” really means, I hope to provide a fresh perspective as a member of the presentation’s primary subject group.

Here are some specific points he mentioned that I strongly disagree with:

“Parents should always know each and every one of their child’s login credentials”

No, absolutely not. Paul had a fantastic point that parents and their kids need to build transparent relationships where both parties feel safe enough to talk about issues like cyberbullying or other mistakes they may have made. When parents demand control over their kids’ personal online lives without giving them space, it’s pretty hard to build trust.

Now of course, I should mention that I may not be speaking for every child on Earth. Some kids will be perfectly fine with sharing their login information with their parents, and that’s okay! However, telling people that EVERY parent should keep track of their children’s login credentials will create some pretty nasty trust issues in some households. Kids are individuals too. While some people acknowledge that they technically “belong” to their parents, young children still have their own sets of thoughts and their own lives separate from their parents. Violating those boundaries can severely affect a developing child’s openness to their parents, especially when they enter their teen years, a time commonly known to be the “rebellious years” of an adolescent.

Furthermore, knowing their credentials doesn’t really empower a parent to do anything they couldn’t already do. Unless you’re willing to create network rules that completely block Instagram on your home Wi-Fi, being able to access little Joey’s Instagram account isn’t gonna stop him from being an absolute menace anyway. And even if you do block their internet access, they can just circumvent it with a VPN.

I think the much better option is to teach kids how to properly navigate social media rather than being a helicopter parent. Talk about acceptable and unacceptable online behaviour, and educate them about any relevant potential consequences. I’ve never heard of this site before, but Common Sense Media has a page that puts it very succinctly:

[Work] together to make sure your kids develop their own sense of responsibility… and take an interest in their online activities.

“Kids should be prohibited from using text speak online”

Paul’s reasoning for this is that young adults have sent genuine “professional” e-mails and résumés with content like “I’d ❤ to work for u!” Presumably, he fears that children will slowly forget how to properly conduct themselves seriously and professionally if they text-speak too frequently. And to be clear, these things DO happen. One of my personal favorites is this 2004 résumé from u/zaddawadda.

All things considered; this point is kind of silly. Censoring someone’s language in this way is quite petty, and there isn’t even any conclusive evidence that text speak impairs literacy. In fact, all the studies I found suggest that use of informal language either has no effect, or actually IMPROVES literacy!

According to this 2009 study, the use of text speak has no correlation to literacy performance in college-aged individuals. Another study from 2012 analyzed the effects of text speak on an even younger population. They found that children aged 9 to 10 who used “textisms” experienced improved literacy skills. The study noted an especial improvement in spelling ability.

And to add on a personal thought: Using text speak is one of the best ways to prevent yourself from sounding like a robot when messaging other people. Just as many people use slang when they talk in person, there is no reason not to use slang in text. Moreover, text speak can be efficient, funny, and provides a much more flexible way to express real human emotions. Please refer to my extremely serious post on how to spice up your texting life!

“Children should not be allowed to bring any electronics into their own room” ¹

This one I totally understand. One of the biggest concerns with screens in the bedroom is that blue light before bedtime can severely disrupt circadian rhythms—a pretty undesirable thing to happen for a developing child. I am certainly not the only person to have stayed up until 4 AM surfing Reddit or Twitter, or texting friends.

However, I believe that the rewards outweigh the risks. I’ll share two of these specific rewards, one practical, and one personal.

The practical reward is that children gain experience with having technology beside them earlier on—before it becomes an issue in the future when the repercussions are greater. Imagine being in your first semester of university. You’re living far away from your parents, and you’re still adjusting to a new lifestyle surrounded by new people. Suddenly, you have a test the very next day, and you want to get a good night’s rest before the exam. While there are many other factors that would play into a student’s preparation strategy, it’s reasonable to assume that a person who’s used to having their phone near them at night will refrain from using it as much before sleeping. They already know how their own body reacts to nighttime screen exposure. Some people might even learn early on that their bodies are more tolerant to technology at bedtime, and so they might be able to handle a little bit more entertainment in bed. Let kids find out what works best for them.

The personal reward is the opportunity for deeper connection-building with friends and significant others. Have you ever had a really deep talk with someone? Did you feel a closer bond with them after that conversation? For me, absolutely. Again, I can’t say this for everyone, but late nights have brought out some of the most thought-provoking conversations I’ve had with other people.² Let your kids form quality relationships with others. And before anyone says that they can do that during the day, let me say that sharing personal stories feels so much more exciting at night than it is during the day. It’s like eating 12 AM pizza. That shit hits so different at midnight. Additionally, people are busy during the day. The night is a time when everyone starts hitting the sack, and are possibly the most readily available.

2022 edit: I’ve since read up some more on this topic. It has been scientifically shown that for most people,

Conclusion

Overall, the main pattern I’ve noticed here is that Paul and I have quite different opinions children’s privacy. He’s very overprotective, whereas I generally have the opinion that kids should be able to “experience the world” before becoming a core member of it. He even explicitly said that “kids don’t have privacy,” which I found to be quite alarming as I think that is a terrible way to treat kids!

If there is one main point I’d like to nail home after rambling this much, I’d like to reaffirm that kids absolutely do deserve their own privacy. You CANNOT advocate for transparency and trust-building without giving children their own space.

That said, I am still one person with my own opinions. There will be children and parents out there who agree with what I say, and there will also be children and parents who disagree with me. I think that at the end of the day, the important thing is to find a balance where both the parents and children can at least communicate their own concerns to each other, and then find some solution that works for everyone. After all, every family is different, and mine is no exception.

I don’t think Paul is a bad person by any means. Even though I’ve definitely just written a whole blog post about how wrong I think he is, he still offered other valid advice in his speech. If you have the opportunity to, I highly suggest you listen to one of his speeches and come to your own conclusions about what he says.

Also, Paul recommends netlingo as a textspeak glossary. I would recommend Urban Dictionary instead. It’s much more comprehensive because it supports user submissions, but also prevents abuse by enabling user ratings. That way, you’ll know when an entry is bogus and when it’s not. It also has a much better UI than netlingo IMHO BTW FR ON GOD NO CAP